Rule #02: Always Have Your Own Room

Rule Two was born in the same setting as Rule One. As I mentioned in my last post, I don’t have an exact recollection but I know it was the result of a conversation with my dear friend Cee while hanging out in her attic apartment. I might even have been wearing roller skates at the time – but if I was, that’s another story.

I have to give Cee full credit for the origin of this rule. At the time I found it a far stretch of the imagination, but over time it has morphed into one of my favorites.

Rule #02: Always Have Your Own Room – In The Beginning

In the beginning, this rule meant that if you’re going to live with someone, someone with whom you are in a relationship, you should each have your own bedroom. Now, I know what you’re thinking. It’s the same thing I was thinking at the time.

Ridiculous! Preposterous! And why would I want that? 

But Cee had friends who were successfully having a relationship and they each had their own bedroom. Some nights were spent together in one room – some nights together in the other. And some nights they slept alone because their schedules were different and they wanted each other to get a restful sleep. Okay, I can see the beauty in a restful sleep despite your partner’s schedule.

So even though this rule seemed a strange bedfellow, I was embracing change and decided to give it a place in my new (and still growing) list. Over time, a different aspect of the rule spoke to me and I allowed the meaning to morph into what it means to me today.

Rule #02: Always Have Your Own Room – Now

For me, it’s an office. A quiet space to write and work. For you, it may be a craft room or even a man-cave. But the essence is more. It is a little piece of personal identity in a relationship. After all, a relationship (by its nature) is about compromise. So this is a place where you pick the color of the wall or the art surrounding you. You decide if it’s tidy or allowed to exist in a certain state of creative messiness. It’s where you can (hopefully) close the door when you need to rejuvenate so you can be your best self for you, your partner, and the rest of the world.

I can hear you now, “But there are no extra rooms in my house?”

I get it. This rule appears to require a luxury of space unheard of in most homes these days. But I bet you can carve out a piece of real estate by being creative. If you have a garage, can you dedicate a corner with a small desk? Or how about a part of the living room light on traffic? Add some bi-fold screens and make your own oasis of space. Your Own Room can take many forms. Remember, it’s really about a little piece of personal identity in a relationship. 

I am fortunate to have my own office during this year at the beach, but come September we will be moving and a one-bedroom apartment may be in our future. I say, bring it on. My rule is my rule, but the form it takes is up to me. It’s my rule so I remember to make it happen. And maybe it will morph once again and become, Always Have Your Own Space.

But I might need some ideas to make it a reality. I’d love to hear about your own space, because I bet you have one. And if you don’t, tell me about the space you’d like to create.

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3 thoughts on “Rule #02: Always Have Your Own Room

  1. “I should never be able to fulfill what is, I understand, the first duty of a lecturer to hand you after an hour’s discourse a nugget of pure truth to wrap up between the pages of your notebooks and keep on the mantelpiece for ever. All I could do was to offer you an opinion upon one minor point — a woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction…” –Virginia Woolf, A Room of One’s Own

    On a somewhat different note, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog!

    –KT

  2. Pingback: Rules to a Happy Heart « A Slammin' Adventure

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